The Emotionally App

Not by design, this log seems to find its perfect timing. This is not an end of the year reflection or a new year’s resolution. However, what I’m about to write is about clarity, purpose and excitement about what’s to come.

In the past 24 hours, I had two conversations that helped me gain so much more clarity on what is the purpose of building Emotionally, and clarity on where to start. I’m logging it now so I don’t lose sight and can always come back to this for clarity and motivation. (Human minds are so mysterious, so easily we get lost in the daily minutiae)

Thank you Diana, Justin and Kathleen, for the thoughtful conversations and the inspirations you are.

Here’s my story:

I’m a direct person. I care about being true, and being efficient.

I live in the U.S. south.

I’m a woman in tech.

I’m Asian.

Maybe you are not exactly all of the above, but I know many of you immediately guessed my story. And I wish you didn’t. Because it means you are going through, have been through or have a close relationship with someone that has the same struggles that I have.

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, the one sentence version is that women are treated differently than men when being honest and direct. And when that’s just your daily work environment, it takes a toll on the emotional and mental wellbeing of a person. In the conversations I mentioned, a few things become clear:

• Giving it a name creates so much more clarity. In my case, it’s “women in tech”. No more needs to be said.
• Reflecting on 2024 with work as a co-founder and CPO of a seed stage startup. I was struggling so much mentally because everyday at work, I felt like I was the “bad person” from interactions with the other two male co-founders. One of them being my husband, which makes it even more loaded. (Hard mode, checked) I had to quit in the end. By no means I’m suggesting it’s all their fault. In fact, the really hard part is that they are both very kind with the typical southern sweetness. I often felt like I was the alien monster though with best of intentions. I questioned myself, I tried to be more patient, being nice to the point of fake. Still, in the end, I had to quit to keep the core things that are me, and not feel horrible and beat myself up for it.
• This is all new to me, I never experienced the “women in tech” struggle when I was working in China. I experienced a little bit in a previous job, mostly on meeting talk time, but this year, it hit me hard. I wish no one has to experience it, but it is a valuable experience that help me grown personally and sent me on this journey with Emotionally.
• I was lucky through out a year of struggle, I had my therapist Kathleen there to always tell me that I am a kind person, and validate my feelings when I felt so alone in my struggles. I now know while there are things I can work on, the main problem is not me.

With the new found clarity, I’m going to focus on building Emotionally as part of the solution for all women in tech with similar emotionally struggles. But also women in any industry, and whoever struggling and feel alone in their emotions. You are not alone, you are not an outlier, and you are not bad or wrong.

But to start, women in tech. My tribe. I will try to build Emotionally to help with two things:

• Put a name on how you are feeling. What you are feeling. Build up your emotional vocabulary.
• You are not alone. You will find validation and acknowledgement on your feelings. Because there are so many of us.

Happy new year! And I mean it.